a FAT girl's diary.

The Seven of Chalices card reversed suggests that setting your romantic sights too low or too high might be an attempt to deny signs of internal dissatisfaction and could put a damper on romance and intimacy. These obstacles or losses, however, could actually help you to reconcile your heart's desire by putting true love within reach or by identifying what has authentic value and appeal on a soul-deep level. After all, it might be a faulty sense of self-esteem that stands between settling and having the confidence to go for what you secretly desire. Being able to finally identify what it is you really need can expand your capacity to love. You could begin to envision your true potential or rediscover your authentic, creative and playful self, which could then enable you to better connect with what you deserve.

The Four of Pentacles card suggests that if you love something, set it free. If it returns, it is yours. If you hang on to the status quo or to a person because you fear being alone again, you may not realize you are already isolated or backed up against a wall with no way out except to change immediately. Are you restricting yourself or using your once-treasured tokens to construct an empty shell that may no longer offer luxury, security or comfort? Money can't buy happiness and you can't take it with you when you go. With the proper incentive, you can bargain your way out of the relationship dog house if you let go of some of your stubborn pride and accept the consequences.

The phone just rang. I didnt even check the caller ID to see who it was, because i knew. Who else would call this late and risk waking up Rocky (who could sleep through a war protest...and actually has)? And mum confirmed it when she looked in to say it was Michael, saying sorry to call so late but I wasnt picking up my cell and he wanted to make sure I'd made it home OK. Like I'll ever be OK again. Mum asked if I wanted to speak to him and I just looked at her and said, "Um, Michael, now is probably not the best time,' into the phone and went away. My chest feels funny. Like it's empty and hollow inside. I wonder if this is because I just barfed up the rest of my dinner or if it's because my heart has shattered into so many little pieces it's basically disappeared.

The Nine of Swords card reversed suggests that there may be a couple of ways to go with this. The first and most optimistic stance to take is that you have already experienced the moment of realization. Now you can let go or move forward, and you may be quite ready to accept the inevitable change that must come on its heels. You are putting things into perspective and not crying over spilt milk, and are confident in your assertion of no more tears and self-pity. Conversely, you may be using this moment of truth as a means of denying or ignoring the warning signs, or are overly rational to keep from losing it. If you don't want a recurrence of the pain or sorrow, take steps to move to the next level of actually letting go. It's time to accept, forgive and then raise your own standards. Then move on and mean it.

The High Priestess card suggests that a little mystery can be more of a turn-on or attraction than putting it all out there or giving it away. This strategy and the use of body language can go a long way toward satisfying your secret romantic intentions or leaving a good impression. Have faith in your plans, but don't become overly emotional or turn into an ice queen if things don't work out exactly as you expected. Never let 'em see you sweat, and don't make apologies for who you are just to feel valued by others.

Aries September 26, 2007 You will thoroughly enjoy today. There is a wonderful feeling that both you and your loved one are cosmically meant for each other, that your names have been written in the stars since the beginning of time, and that you'll be with each other for eternity... What? You've suddenly gone off that idea? Best make for a sharp exit - before it's too late. Aries September 27, 2007 There is a lot of electricity between you and your current partner (no pun intended.) But the energy of the day may cause a fuse to blow, because you have deeper feelings for someone else. If you have been waiting for that very special person who hasn't been available till recently, you may not have to wait any longer. The green light is on and means go!

The Four of Wands card suggests that you may be celebrating a commitment, consummation or reunion. The two of you are enjoying success, attention, relief or reward at the most fundamental level of your relationship. This is an experience or moment to be shared together, but you may have to also take it public for the benefit or approval of others. Dancing or a coming-out ritual may mark this rite of passage for you and your soul mate.

Your Lovescope - Week of September 24, 2007 With Venus, the planet of love and beauty, transiting your sign this week, the good luck continues to flow for you and the one you love the most. Remember that this is the time of year for you to hit the reset button on your love life. The bottom line is that it's all about you, so stop making compromises and start holding to the high standards of love and affection that you deserve. Monday and Tuesday are the strongest days of the week for you, days when you'll have the courage and the emotional confidence you need in order to take the next brave step with the one you love. Throughout the rest of the week the one you love might seem a bit cold or distant. During this time, try not to take their erratic behavior personally. Realize that this person has a great deal going on and may need a little extra breathing room. During this time, tune in to your own needs instead of looking to the one you love to fulfill you emotionally.

The Eight of Chalices card reversed suggests that reality doesn't always live up to the fantasy. Denying a joyful or romantic life because of pride, self-pity or fear is a waste. It's worth the courage, sacrifice and effort to hold out for a genuine connection rather than to give into fears of being alone. It may seem easier to fake it, stick with what you know or wish for greener pastures, but ignoring it might only increase the level of longing, regret and anxiety, revealing emptiness where trust, intimacy and fulfilled commitment could be. Choose to take the road less traveled, walk away or instinctually do what is right for you, despite fears of facing the unknown. This involves great personal struggle, but it is worth it. Should you reach a point where you know a change is due, excuses can only further sap your energy and put off the inner transformation or quest for happiness, romance and love you deserve.

Sometimes I recall how we began, and heres how we ended. It was beautiful...

Aries September 18, 2007 You may have suspected something interesting about the way a certain person looks at you. Today you have the chance to actually find out how this person really does feel. Although this may initially be a little awkward, you will soon find that you share quite a rapport that will create a wonderful start to a relationship. Passion enters your life at last Aries September 19, 2007 Today you will be meeting new people, and also enjoying the many new contacts that you make. One of these meetings may also involve a face from the past, someone for whom you once cared and then forgot as time passed by. Now you find each other again, and what transpires may take you completely by surprise. Have a great day!

Your Lovescope - Tomorrow, September 19, 2007 You will adore today, as it is the kind of occasion when things go haywire, relationships jump out of the blue, and the world seems to go a little crazy in a wonderful way. You could meet someone you click with immediately. You just know this is it. Trust your instincts on this one, as they are seldom wrong.

Do you suspect that your boy is hiding something? Body language and interaction with other people tell you a lot about a person. Look out for these signs to spot if he's a LIAR! Crossed Arms - When people are interacting with others and have their arms crossed or folded, it is seen as a "defensive mode". This proves that the person is uncomfortable and probably has something to hide! Nod / Shake - A nod or head shake (instead of answering questions verbally) shows that there is something in the question that they don't wish to answer. If they didn't have something to hide, they would answer your question confidently and with full detail! Voice - Sometimes it's hard to spot a liar over the phone. If your boy mumbles or talks to you in a fast chatter, it proves that they are nervous about something - so listen carefully! Actions - It's never promising when your boy tells you that he's going somewhere when he is really going somewhere else. If you suspect...

my eyes hurt from crying my heart hurts from trying my wrist hurts from cutting and in the end i have nothing

The Nine of Swords card suggests that you should try to contain your emotions until you have everything in order. Later you can retreat into your comfort zone and let it all out -- the regret or guilt that sticks like a thorn and keeps you from confronting shattered romantic illusions. Be aware that the fear or sorrow hanging over your head could be taking its toll on your love life or relationship. If this torment is recurring, realize that it isn't about what you have done to deserve this, but more about the natural consequences of something you have been unable to see clearly until now. This is about that moment of painful yet necessary realization. You know you can't go on like this anymore -- there is no going back. Inevitable change must come.

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